“Why I Run?”
Believe me, I wonder about this myself more so often that I ever thought I would.
“Why I run?” It is this perennial question that I ask of myself and haven’t yet had any concrete answer. I think about it when I am out there logging the miles under the scorching sun, all sweaty and out of breath (if going for a PR), shirts off, donning my Luna Sandals and I am on the trail-sometimes for hours.
Or, when it is drizzling, and weirdly you think you are still sweating but rain just washes away. I ask of myself; “Why do I need to be out here, when I could have easily been tucked in a warm blanket and watching T.V?”
The only reason, I can think of is that, it allows me to be out there- just by myself, having an opportunity to listen to my heartbeat very closely, observe my breath, pay attention to the rhythm of my feet dueling with each other. It feels like my world.
No matter how narcissist it might sound, but for those few hours, it is me against me, it is me with me.
There have been times when a run has been a contemplation, about the day that went by, about the life that I have built around me, but mostly about the dreams and desires that I still hold inside of me. And then there are times when I have ran with a blank mind – no thoughts, no dreams howling behind my ears, no peeping desires slyly creeping into my mind and I am running with no heed to that rigorous sound of my heartbeat or that warm sensation of my fuming breath or the rhythm of my feet bathed in dust and dirt.
It is almost like running in a vacuum. And then when it is all over, and I am soaking myself in a cold bath, it just feels strange that for the last hour, my brain thought of nothing. It is almost like I was a dead body, or a robot who can run a 6 miler without having to think about the world around.
Is that why I am running? To sulk into that Vacuum. Or to be left alone with my thoughts and contemplation. That can’t be it. The answers that I come up with never made an ounce of a sense to me.
There has to be a bigger and better reason for me to be putting myself into the grueling act of running, where my soles have blisters, knee pops and hurts and body just aches for days.
And before I know it, I am out again on the same turf that I had left a day behind. May be this is how we are channelled as a human race. We are wired to challenge ourselves, find out our potential; that breaking point at which you call it and say I can’t breathe anymore, I can’ move any more, this is it for me. This is my limit and I have experienced it.
Looking back at the pictures, one thing becomes evident to me that in spite of all these, the answer to the question “Why I Run?” is reason because I enjoy it. It is my opportunity to test myself and see where I stand in my own eyes.
May be this is what it is. A quest to find my potential, my breaking point. For I would hate to have gone from this world without having had an experience of my full potential, my breaking point.